Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
