You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
