I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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