i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize