Say something about gay babies.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
