you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
