so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
