I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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