You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
