i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
