Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
