It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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