Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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