There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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