it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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