i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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