how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
