i can't believe i had my finger in that
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
