R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
