I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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