I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
