It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
