u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
