so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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