Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
