So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
