He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
