My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn