so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad