Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...