this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
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Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.