If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that