Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.