I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
