Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
