I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize