Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
