I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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