I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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