she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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