You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
