Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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