My nipple is on Facebook.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
