dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
