I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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