It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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