Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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