I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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