Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
