"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My penis needs a shock collar
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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