Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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