I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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