just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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