just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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