omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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