That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
