Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
