its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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