I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
