never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
