im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
