you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
