bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
