Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
