I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i may or may not be watching the land before time
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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