the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
