id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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