can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
