If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
