OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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