You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
