the condom got lost in my hair
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
