Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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