grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
