Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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