I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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