Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
