M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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