he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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