Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize