She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
