she smelled like a LAN party
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
