he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
