you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
