Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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