I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize