my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize