Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
