I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
