seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
